இன்னிசை மட்டும் இல்லையென்றால்.......

I am beginning to learn why more art and literature have born out of grief, bereavement and sorrow than joy and mirth. Another song which swept me off my feet and again it is to do with pathos. For some mad reason, unfathomable even to the best of my rational cognitive abilities, these songs give me an intoxicating effect. I know I am walking through a scary path and I still enjoy the thrill of being absorbed into this vortex. As I dont know the effect of drug, alcohol or smoke's intoxication I imagine it should be somewhere comparable to this(Other more experienced veterans could enlighten me!). The first kick - the thrill of the adventurous journey - the spiral of the vortex - and the want for more and more and more and more!! Although most of the times I am caught unawares, I can tell its coming..Premonition, may be! or Providence!

For a 100 songs which people murmur during their daily chores, less than 10 would be a chirpy song I guess. MSV once said that their is no melody without melancholy. For some reason people like a longing, ஒரு ஏக்கம், sometimes not even knowing what they are longing for, but all the time loving that ஏக்கம். Although I am not a fan of overtly mushy, emotional songs - songs like எவனோ ஒருவன் were written for moments like these - and I am living that moment. In a quaint sense this phase has been a very nourishing, creative phase. And almost every other time, a sense of pathos accompanies that by serendipity or by default. Or maybe by design. When I think of the world's greatest books and literature written from prison cells - alarm bells are ringing for me!!! "எந்தன் சோகம் தீர்வதற்கு இதுபோல் மருந்து பிரிதில்லையே" This intoxxxxicating மருந்து called கலை."கேட்டு கேட்டு நான் கிறங்குகிறேன்"

I am unearthing these songs which I have heard many times before, like a lost treasure and dusting them down to sit and drink them, literally, particularly during a dry, parched season. The same unnoticed words hit me like a spear now, wrenching the deepest emotions out of me. Cinema for all its vulgarities and commerce, can still be a veritable celebration of arts on a grand scale is a soothing fact during these troubled times, in a world driven by self-aggrandizement and avarice.

God has given me many crutches to help this staggering journey of mine here. I am thankful for all of that. "ஆனால் நிச்சயமாவே இன்னிசை மட்டும் இல்லையென்றால் என்றோ என்றோ என்றோ இறந்திருப்பேன்". For a person who was never able to deal with loneliness, one of the reasons I married at 25, I value these crutches greatly. I appreciate their meaning. I revel in their use. Through a medium like this I recommend their use to others. சில நேரங்களில் நானே யாசிக்கிறேன், நானே வாசிக்கிறேன், யாசித்ததை வாசிக்கிறேன், வாசித்ததை யாசிக்கிறேன். சில நேரங்களில் சில மனிதர்கள்ன்னு இதைத் தான் சொல்றாங்க போல.

I am recording these emotions, more like a journal for me. When I come out of this phase and read them, they might sound silly, as it might to present readers, who are not into this inebriation. But atleast they would remind me of a person who would well out with tears at the slightest provocation.

"அந்தக் குழலைப் போல் அழுவதற்கு அத்தனை கண்கள் எனக்கில்லையே"